Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

My wife has a bunch of really attractive friends, and she expects me to never say anything to her about how beautiful they are. Does this seem fair? I love my wife, and just commenting shouldn’t hurt anything, right?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

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I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

My waist finally looks like how it did before I had kids but I didn’t lose weight. Why am I still 15 lbs from my starting weight?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I have complete contempt for fakery

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

If Russia needs the resources to fund the war in Ukraine, why doesn’t it throw open its doors to visa free western tourism? Enough people would be interested, & it would start to get some hard currency as €, CHF, £, SEK, $, JPY in the tills at shops.

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have a reading level above third grade

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I actually pay taxes

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Did Trump show us once again that he is a master debater?

I can count

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

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I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t buy bullshit

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

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I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I can read

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I see through liars

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have complete contempt for traitorism

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”